I was having a convo with a friend recently. She said, “Why do you think I keep attracting guys who treat me like this?”

The sobering truth is that we attract what we think we deserve.  Let’s call a spade a spade, we’ve all been there before.  I’ve been there before.  No judgements.  Recognizing it is not only part of the process, but it’s a gift because self-awareness is precisely the starting point of growth and transformation.

How do we get to the place of having high-sky standards?  Truth be told, it’s only usually after a period of having sub-par standards.  Eventually, you get to a point where you realize your current approach just isn’t working.

In this article, I’m going to share my thoughts on the topic of standards, and give you some ideas for leveling up your standards game.

Are you excited to learn how?

It’s an Inside Job

We attract what we think we deserve.  

The world around us responds to the way we feel about ourselves, and if we’re feeling low-value on the inside, we’re gonna get low-quality on the outside.  

The work needs to be done from the inside out.  It’s not enough to just say you want more.  It’s not enough to just say you deserve better.

You have to really believe it.  It’s a fascinating process of identifying where these limiting thoughts are coming from and rewiring yourself to think differently.

You have to cast different energy into the universe. The Law of Attraction is always at work, whether we realize it or not, and we attract what we are feeling on the inside.  If you’re feeling negative, you’re going to attract negativity.  If you’re feeling incomplete, you’re going to attract that and if you’re feeling stressed, you’re going to attract more stress.

It works the same way with the positive stuff too.  If we’re feeling valuable on the inside, we’re going to attract high value and if we’re feeling happy, we’re going to attract more happiness. If we’re feeling peaceful, we’re going to attract more peace.  And the list goes on.

That’s why it’s so important to do the work from the inside out.

What are you attracting these days?

How to Set Sky-High Standards

Oftentimes, we get used to accepting whatever comes our way, and chalk it up to “that’s just the way it is.”   I’m here to tell you there’s a different way to do this.

Here’s a little glimpse from my book SOAR:

“Articulate what your standards are first, and then see how everything fits into that framework.  You’ve got to get really really clear about defining your standards.  Maybe you don’t even know what they are, and that’s ok.  There is no “one size fits all” for this, and the cool part is that you have a creative license to design this any way you want it to look.  Everyone’s list looks different.”

How would you describe your current standards?

Communicating Your Standards

Finding your voice is such an important part of the journey to your authentic self.  Embodying high standards is a good first step, but the buck doesn’t stop there.  We need to communicate to others what is acceptable to us.

Here’s a little sneak peek from SOAR:

“After you define your standards, you need to get cozy with communicating them.  Some examples of getting this done include, “I’m not comfortable with that and here’s why.”  “That isn’t congruent with who I am.”  “I’m not going to play that role anymore.”  “Here’s my framework, so I can work something in within that.”

At first, it may not be easy to find your voice, but rest assured it gets easier the more you practice.  Speaking your truth is one of the many ways you can honor yourself.  Try it today…you deserve it.

How do you feel about speaking up more?

This is Not a Zero-Sum Game

High standards aren’t a scarce resource. There’s plenty to go around.  We can all have high standards.   As we raise our standards, we will start to notice that what we attract into our reality changes significantly, and it’s natural for others to notice as well.  There’s no limit on anything that you want…love, peace, joy, etc. and the truth is that we can ALL have it ALL.

Do you believe you can have it all?

It’s Nothing Personal!

When we start to commit to living a high-standard life, it’s normal to experience some people falling away.  We often take it personally, but what’s happening in our physical world is really a demonstration of what’s going on behind the scenes on a vibrational level.

We can raise our vibration through a number of different activities, and anything that nourishes our mind, body or spirit fits the bill.  Raising our standards is just one of the many vibration-raising activities.

We are each on our own individual journeys, and we don’t graduate through the levels at the same pace.  Those around us may or may not be doing their soul work (no judgements!), and even if they are on the path of growth and transformation, we all evolve at a different pace.

In SOAR, I explain this from an energetic perspective, and assure my readers that it’s part and parcel of the leveling up process:

“There’s no better indicator of who is really supposed to be in your tribe than by watching what people do when you speak your truth…Some people will be able to rise up and meet you, and others will fall away.  Not only is it okay if someone falls away, it’s an essential part of the process.  Understand that none of this is personal;  it’s totally vibrational.  There are 7.6 billion people in the world and rest assured there are lots and lots of choices (vibrational matches) for who we share our human experience with at various points in time.”

How do you feel about certain relationships falling away?

How Can You Get Your High-Standards Game On?

This week, take a look at all areas of your life, and ask yourself…

What are my standards for a friendship and romantic relationship? How about my standards towards communication, confidentiality and respect? What are my standards for sharing responsibilities and others’ behaviors?

I would love to help you create your high-standards life, so please reach out and we’ll chat.