Episode 69: Recognizing and Changing Patterns with Deirdre Fay

Sometimes, bad things happen. It’s not your fault when they do, but it’s easy to get caught in a loop of guilt, shame and self-blame. If you find yourself replaying a traumatic situation in your mind and asking yourself, “what if?” then today’s guest has a message you should hear. 

Deirdre Fay is trained as a therapist. She has more than 40 years of experience combining contemplative trauma treatment, attachment theory, psychology and ancient wisdom traditions into a practical approach to healing. 

You’re Not Too Much

The first thing you should know is that you’re not too much. People with a history of trauma often struggle with feeling like they are. Trauma changes your brain. It makes everything from regulating your emotions to sleeping a challenge, and that’s hard to deal with.

If people you know are telling you that you’re too much or that they wish you could go back to the way you were before, get new people in your life. 

You might be too much for them, but that’s not a reflection on you. There are billions of people in the world. Many people will love and appreciate you for who you are without requiring you to shrink in on yourself and become less. You just have to find them. 

If you have spent your life being told that you take up too much mental, physical or emotional space, it’s hard to relearn how to exist as yourself rather than someone’s idealized version of you. That’s part of why Deirdre’s dedication to helping her clients change the patterns they’re caught in is so essential. 

Living With an Unshakeable Heart

Deirdre advocates for an approach to transforming trauma that she calls living with an unshakeable heart. 

In many traditional trauma treatment practices, experts recommend sitting with the pain of what you experienced. Some people find it healing, but others get stuck. Instead of moving forward and beginning to heal, they find themselves caught in a painful cycle. 

As Dr. Maya Angelou said, “you may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

You’ve been through something traumatic, but it doesn’t have to subsume the rest of who you are. Instead, Deirdre believes in transforming trauma into an opportunity for growth and development. 

As you build resilience, you can be secure in the knowledge that you will flourish no matter what happens next. 

To learn more about Deirdre’s work and to access some of the phenomenal resources she offers, check out her website today.